Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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