I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
