hotel room ftw
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
