Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
