Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
