she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize