chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
