omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
