I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
