I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
