Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
too bad you live with your parents still
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
