I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
