dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
