I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
