I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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