Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
