considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
they need to just BURY HIM!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
