i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
