im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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