I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
