People in love make me want to vomit
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
