Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
