I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
