At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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