Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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