My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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