i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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