drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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