Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
