just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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