even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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