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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (360): View more from Washington

  There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?

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