this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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