Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We left the knife in your bed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
