so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
