When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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