Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
