fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
