Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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