She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
