i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
