I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
