DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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