THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
