Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
