Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
