got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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