I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My vagina just clenched in fear
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
