I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
