My boss' voice literally gives me gas
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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