dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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