Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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