if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I did not marry a roomba.
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