The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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