is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
