I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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