Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This house was built for laser tag.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize