I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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