Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
