Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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