i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this hospital has no fireball
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
