Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
