thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
