I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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