the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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