That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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