I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
be right there i have to get my cape
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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