Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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