who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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