Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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