if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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