where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
