She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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