Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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