i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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